Thursday, September 21, 2006

Slaughter: Laughter with an “S” on top.

Merriam-Webster dictionary:
Main Entry: 2 slaughter (slô t r)
Function: transitive verb
1 : to kill (animals) for food : Butcher
2 a : to kill in a bloody or violent manner : Slay b : to kill in large numbers : Massacre. 3 : to discredit, defeat, or demolish completely

Kenyanchick’s dictionary:
S/Laughter. (sssss- läf t r)
1. You are demolished; I crack up.

Listen, you asked for the truth. I said I unleashed an ‘Epic,' ‘Ben Hur,’ blasting on L.F. and you said you wanted to know more.

Be careful what you wish for. Because now you’re going to get it.

First of all, it wasn’t funny. Because I was incandescent with rage.
In-can-fucking-descent.

Kudos to Jay who figured out that my smile masked my desire to sharpen knives and enforce natural selection.

It wasn’t pretty. But boy did I have fun.
When I get angry – are you paying attention, oh ye who harbour self-destructive thoughts? – I get hyper-literate in my language. (yeah yeah, whatever: bite me).
So I told him – and there’s no way I’d lie about this – that I thought he was a person who was “lacking in honour and integrity.”

I told him that he was a coward who stood for nothing, who had to be chased all over town for a pre-adolescent’s DVDs, and that I was obviously on some mind-altering drugs the day I decided I could trust him.

I said, “I deserved better and you know that. Give me my niece’s shit and we never have to deal with each other again, ok?”
All the little weasel could do was nod his head enthusiastically, and say “I know, I know, I’m sorry” over and over again.

THEN I told him that he would “rue the day” that he ever crossed me.
Rue.
My mama's tuition money didn't go to waste. (Mum: there’s your endorsement. You can go back to the “Bold and Beautiful.” There’s nothing more to see here.)

Oh, um, about the wedding? I wasn’t invited! [Official explanation: Someone must have forgotten to deliver your card.]

I’m crying with [s]laughter even as I write this!

32 Comments:

Blogger baz said...

Oh the stitches! Oh the stitches!

KC, if you don't mind the movie/tv/cartoon quotes getting more obscure with ever comment, "Every one's a Maserati!"

(And firsties).

21 September, 2006 16:47  
Blogger Darlkom said...

Hilarous!! Rue, RUE! That is some Jane Austen shit right there.

21 September, 2006 17:41  
Blogger Princess said...

You are one of the funniest individuals I have had the fortune of interacting with. I wish I could have seen his face..I really do!!!

21 September, 2006 19:49  
Blogger ish said...

may i have your permission to adopt "slaffter" to my vocabulary? i'm rather tickled by it!

22 September, 2006 11:44  
Blogger Savage-No, I didn't quit said...

If he shows remorse for his misdeeds, does he stand a second chance?

22 September, 2006 20:08  
Blogger Zack said...

Toot...toot... so, was that your first? A lot of learning for a first!

23 September, 2006 14:30  
Blogger countryboy said...

Kenyan Chick, u too big 4 me. I just cannot handle. The fight is over before it even begins. So wats e fuss?

And u Savage, i hav tried ma best 2 comment on your blog but every time i click on comments net just chucks. U explained u r on beta -wats better if i cannot comment. Huh?

23 September, 2006 18:24  
Blogger modoathii said...

to slaugh or not to slaugh? that is the question.

chick, you's good. you's very good it hurts. oh the stitches hurt.

i'll ask again, you lengad me, can i subscribe to what you're smoking?

that's not the weed, i'm on.

25 September, 2006 19:32  
Blogger minty said...

And I have to hand you the medal. Epic it sure was, not when you unleashed 'RUE' on him!

@Savage, you didn't say if you were satisfied with the gory details. You're now just asking about vacancies.

26 September, 2006 14:05  
Blogger modoathii said...

savage, r u the LF? unatetea huyu msee sana. vipi?

26 September, 2006 17:13  
Blogger Savage-No, I didn't quit said...

ok. I am satisfied with this narrative.

@Minty- I have my reasons for inquiring about vacancies. I am calculative like that.

@modoathii-No. I am not LF.

26 September, 2006 19:15  
Blogger Eddie said...

1 : to kill (animals) for food : Butcher

2 a : to kill in a bloody or violent manner : Slay b : to kill in large numbers : Massacre. 3 : to discredit, defeat, or demolish completely .

How you framed that...Why then do they use massacre when if you kill less than ten , people say you only killed...

Is it related to ...lets say..if you steal in small sums, you get impresoned for years, then if you steal in large sums, one doesn`t get any worse sentence?

27 September, 2006 09:38  
Blogger Savage-No, I didn't quit said...

ok. Eddie what are you saying?

27 September, 2006 17:54  
Blogger Kenyanchick said...

Sorry, I've been AWOL - details soon, but, he he, Modoathi actually thought Savage was LF? But he's my baby daddy, tch!

@Zack, Zack. Was he my first... boyfriend? (You couldn't have meant that)
attempted homicide? (Definitely not)
kleptomaniac? (Uh, yeah.)

28 September, 2006 17:16  
Blogger Kenyanchick said...

darlkom, princess, minty, Goddess (excellent name!): Thanks, that's why I love the blogosphere, because my mad self is never alone!

Baz: he he.

Countryboyi - I see you understand me now.

Sav - glad you're satisfied (why, oh why does that sound naughty?)

Modoathii - as Baz knows, they should legalise it. Then I'll share.

And sorry, Eddie. I swear I don't know what you mean either. Maybe you have your own little 'erb farm somewhere?

28 September, 2006 17:20  
Blogger Mataachi said...

why, oh why won't you post something new??? i mean, its been...uhmm...7 days, get crackin'!

28 September, 2006 20:29  
Blogger baz said...

yeah Eddie. People don't "gijj".

(For my people, that means "click").

Cultures come together thus.

28 September, 2006 20:35  
Blogger Eddie said...

My mama's tuition money didn't go to waste. (Mum: there’s your endorsement. You can go back to the “Bold and Beautiful.” There’s nothing more to see here.)

I liked that to the maximum....you really are ecact with meanings......

chaal!!

28 September, 2006 21:04  
Blogger gishungwa said...

Again now i have yto get back to work else i wil payless and that will notbe good. But i hear you at least got a few more words, rue, slaffter LOL ok off now tut tut tut

02 October, 2006 09:50  
Anonymous Easter Bunny said...

@Ernest :the word is gidge..ask Darlkom

02 October, 2006 13:17  
Anonymous Jay said...

Back there when you aid we was gon regret what we axed for, I thot you was jus' foolin' around. But damn sister you done brung it down on tha brotha.

But seriously. did we date in a previous life or do you have a doppleganger this side of the border. I am drawing some comparisons here (except the real weasly stuff like the DVDs). For the call in the middle of the night, maybe.

03 October, 2006 15:40  
Anonymous newpostnewpostnewpost said...

I think it is time to start agitating for a new post.

New Post!
New Post!
New Post!
New Post!
New Post!
New Post!
New Post!
New Post!

04 October, 2006 14:57  
Blogger am mdkims said...

would have loved more than anything to hear you lambast him ... i would not have taken sides ... just stand there and let my ears sink in to the soap opera ...life's dramas are the best ... but at least at the end you got your DVDs back ... perfect ending to Cuando Seas Something!

04 October, 2006 19:21  
Blogger minty said...

(Joining Newpost above with my own cardboard sign and chanting)
New post
New Post
New post
New Post

05 October, 2006 16:06  
Blogger Degstar said...

newpost!
we want a new post!
just like d other one!

newpost!
we want a new post!
just like d other one!

newpost!
we want a new post!
just like d other one!

newpost!
we want a new post!
just like d other one!

newpost!
we want a new post!
just like d other one!

newpost!
we want a new post!
just like d other one!

ok, lemme go get some coffee in my system

06 October, 2006 15:30  
Blogger Kenyanchick said...

@Mataachi: Wacha, I'm coming to your blog to register my complaints. You make me wait MONTHS for a new Kim story...
@gishungwa - he he!
@Mdkims - Cuanda seas something? I LOVE IT!!
And Jay, I already told you: since you can't tell a lie, there's absolutely no chance that we ever dated. The loss is mine, believe me.

And to everyone else: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR (especially you "Newpostnewpostnewpost." Thou shalt reap the whirlwind.)
Coming soon...

06 October, 2006 16:15  
Blogger Savage-No, I didn't quit said...

How about you bark and bite at the same time?

09 October, 2006 20:15  
Blogger modoathii said...

eish, siste, blog yako inatafutwa sana. tupe vitu bana. i agree with savage.

at least tupe trailer bana.

11 October, 2006 12:36  
Anonymous m said...

LOL!

Class, repeat after me:

"Hell hath no fury ... "

11 October, 2006 23:38  
Blogger baz said...

Heh heh. Yeah. Trailer.

12 October, 2006 19:20  
Blogger countryboy said...

It hurts to keep denying your fans, KC. Bloggers have spoken --they need a new post.

15 October, 2006 17:09  
Anonymous ARIAKA said...

I had commented on this beauty, Kenyan babe earlier. But, power chucked. A'n I lost the web; Ilost you.

In my post I had said: Dizzy, feeling giddy. Ought to rest my head. Read Slaughter in reverse; laughters. Replace the L. Put D. Now you gat Daughters.

Now, it is something like Daughters with laughters. That's you Kenyan Girl.

At the end, my head cleared. You cured my headache.

18 October, 2006 12:13  

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