Friday, December 22, 2006

Free at Last! Free at Last... Etc.

I did it. I quit my job. I’m free! Unemployed, but free.

So this post will have to do double duty: a farewell to the parallel universe that has been my work place, and as a Merry-Christmas-Let’s-Kick-Major-Ass-Next-Year to all my blog pals.

But first:
Goodbye, Cruel Workstation.
For some reason, they’re in denial about my resignation. They keep talking about the projects “we” are going to work on next year. Whatever.

Goodbye, Mr. Almost Sexual Harassment (MASH). This man has been the bane of my existence since Day 1. He's ugly and short, with narrow, evil reptilian eyes. Incredibly, he imagines that he can use his high-pitched, slightly nasal voice to seduce the female members of staff. Which means he's stupid too. He got into the habit of saying my name every few minutes. I counted once: he said my name FIFTEEN times in half an hour. When I asked him to stop, he purred, "But why? It's such a beautiful name." But now he's in my past, Hallelujah! Take that, MASH!!

And then there's the Internet & Radio Choir From Hades.
For subjecting me to an endless parade of sing-alongs to the "music" of Michael Bolton, Shania Twain, Dolly Parton, Mariah Carey, Kenny G, and Celine Dion, here's my Christmas wish for you:

But now to be nice (stop barfing!). I've come across so many excellent people since I started doing this blog thing that I'm quite choked up right now just thinking about it (I know. I'm laughing too.) But seriously, have a good one, y'all, and Merry Christmas!

But just one quick questions before I go (I know, I blog like once a month and now all of a sudden I can't shut up). Anyway. Has anyone watched the Last King of Scotland? Did you notice that Forrest Whitaker was in blackface? How messed up is it when an African American wears blackface to play an African?

Ok, I'm done now. Merry Christmas!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Some Random thoughts...

This was a dare. I’ve been keeping some strange company lately.

On my mind this week:
• Do Kenyan highways have pedestrian crossings?
• Do some Ugandans say “thouthand?”

When fools collide
Overheard at a bar in Nairobi. The cast: two black prostitutes, one white potential client.
(This really happened, I swear. I was bored and eavesdropping.)

White guy: I had a friend who was eaten by a crocodile once.
Both women: What?
WG: Yes, he was in the Congo. It was weird. But you know how he died? He was bitten by a cat. It had some disease.
[Stunned silence]
WG: But it’s like I always say, “when your number’s up, it’s up, you know?”
[Slight pause]

Woman 2:
Who’s number?
It’s an, um, just an expression, it means, um, you know…
[Awkward silence]
Woman 1 [brightly] One time, we were in Naivasha. You know Naivasha? It’s where they grow flowers. Big bucks. Anyway, one time me and my friends went there. We hit a donkey with a stick. It died.